


Tell me if you need a loving hand (to help you fall asleep tonight)

by secretsinmysoul



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Bucky, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bottom!Bucky, Bucky Barnes Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mostly porn, Porn With Plot, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Rimming, Smut, Stucky - Freeform, porn with a little plot, steve/bucky - Freeform, stevexbucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 04:31:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3195416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretsinmysoul/pseuds/secretsinmysoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It took Steve a few weeks to notice that Bucky wasn’t actually sleeping when they parted ways and headed for their separate bedrooms at night."</p><p>Bucky and Steve are trying to rebuild after the events of CA:TWS. Only problem is that Bucky isn't sleeping at night. Cue snuggling, some angst and feels, eventual confessions of love and comfort sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell me if you need a loving hand (to help you fall asleep tonight)

It took Steve a few weeks to notice that Bucky wasn’t actually sleeping when they parted ways and headed for their separate bedrooms at night.  

It had been about a month ago and Bucky had appeared at his door - their door, the door to their old Brooklyn apartment - lost and confused. Memories had started to assail his mind, like rushing water powerfully pushing through a broken dam. They had made his head hazy and his thoughts unclear.

Steve was a little too happy to help him. After a few hot showers, proper meals, and days filled with Steve’s easy conversation and caring nature, Bucky was behaving in a more stable and less erratic manner. He even laughed some days, read books and cooked on others.

Of course it wasn’t all clear skies, bright blue eyes, soft words and stolen kisses. It was difficult, dangerous and damn frightening at times. Bucky remembered his past, and that was a blessing in some aspects but a curse in others.

Steve hated himself for being glad of Bucky’s remembering. He was just incredibly grateful not only to have his best friend back but to have someone around who understood him and his past – the past in general.

But sometimes Steve wondered whether the relief that came with Bucky’s return was worth the pain his friend endured in the remembering. Bucky didn’t only recall the bright, innocent smiles of two young boys with scraped knees running wild around the streets of Brooklyn; he also remembered the torture that had been inflicted on him, the awful acts he’d been made to perform on innocent enemies of Hydra. His guilt weighed on his chest so heavily that some days he felt as though he couldn’t breathe.

On days like that he’d sometimes come to Steve willingly to talk and express his bitter anger. On others Bucky would try and run from Steve and their new life. Steve would always find him, though. Sometimes he would beg Steve to leave him - let him suffer alone as he felt he deserved - or on the worst days Bucky would try to hurt himself, seeking some kind of punishment for the injustices that weren’t his to bear.

They were making progress, though, slowly but surely. Steve thought things were actually going quite well, taking the enormity of the situation into account. The good days outweighed the bad and that was more than they could have hoped for.

Steve thought things were going well, that is, until one Friday night he was having more trouble than usual falling asleep and decided to leave his empty bed to seek the warmth of a cup of tea.

Walking into the kitchen he noticed that, just down the hall, there was light streaming out from the crack under Bucky’s bedroom door. More than a little curious, Steve went and lightly rapped his fist against the wood and waited for a response.

When he didn’t receive one, Steve gently nudged the door open to see Bucky sitting cross legged on his perfectly made bed – not a crease in the sheets or an indent in the pillow – reading some classic novel written in a language Steve didn’t speak.

“Buck?” Steve asked, barely above a whisper, trying not to startle him.

Bucky looked up from his book. “Oh, hey Steve.”

“I came out for a cup of tea and I noticed your light was on.”

“Shouldn’t read in the dark it’s bad for your eyes,” Bucky deadpanned before he asked, “having trouble sleeping tonight?”

“Yeah, still find it hard with these mattresses they have nowadays.”

“Well, shucks, Grandpa should we call SHIELD and get you an old fashioned cot like what we had in the war?” Bucky smirked.

“Alright, alright, quit your teasing; it’s not like you’re having better luck than me. Trouble sleeping?”

Bucky snorted, “Yeah you could call it that.”

“What d’ya mean?”

“It’s less of a trouble more of an absence.”

“You don’t sleep?” Steve asked, confused.

Bucky paused but admitted, “Since being out of cryo I haven’t really slept for more than a few minutes at a time.”

Steve flinched at the mention of Bucky’s torture but quickly recovered. “Buck, that isn’t good for you – you gotta rest.”

“I know that.” Bucky sighed, lowering his book. He looked complacent and hesitantly continued, “It’s just…it’s complicated.”

“You can tell me anything, Buck.” Steve said, sitting on the edge of Bucky’s bed and laying a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Bucky smiled in a grateful, slightly pained way. He took a deep breath and on the exhale stuttered out, “When I close my eyes it’s like it’s too loud in my mind. I can see flashes of my old memories, bad ones and good ones, and I get so damn caught up trying to link it all together and make sense of it that…that it starts to hurt…it hurts too much to bear.”

Steve paused for a moment, complacent. “So most nights you just don’t try?”

“I keep my mind occupied instead,” Bucky shrugged, “it’s just easier, ya know?”

“Aren’t you tired, Buck? Aren’t you bone-deep tired?” Steve asked, voice racked with concern.

Bucky's mouth quirked into a gentle smile, “Yeah course I am. It’s just better than the alternative: closing my eyes to see the tornado of disjointed memories from lives I don’t feel like I’ve properly led.”

Steve cast his eyes downward, “I know a little of what that’s like.”

“You do?”

“Sometimes, especially in the first couple of weeks after you…”

“Fell?”

Bucky asks, tentative and soft.

Steve took a sharp breath in, “Yeah, after that. Every time I’d close my eyes I’d see my outstretched hand just missing yours over and over. It hurt so much. Sometimes I still see it.”

Bucky moved next to Steve and nudged him with his good arm. “Hey, I’m here now aren’t I? And that’s because of you - so don’t you go losing any sleep over me, Rogers.”

Steve smiled fondly. “I can’t help it if your ugly mug gives me nightmares.”

“Ouch,” Bucky exclaimed clutching his heart in a display of mock injury, “just for wounding a fella like that I should kick you out of my bed.”

Steve thought for a moment and decided, “I’m probably not gonna leave your bed until you sleep.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows, “Oh yeah? How’s that gonna work? You gonna sit on the end of my bed, chase away the demons? Hold my hand until I fall asleep?”

“Whatever it takes.”

And damn, Steve had on **_that_** face. The one where he sets his jaw firmly in place, resolute and strong. His unblinking blue eyes turn to steel and his body tenses as if readying for a fight.

Yeah, Bucky knows that look all too well.

“You really wanna do this, huh?”

“I’ll help in any way I can.”

“Okay wise guy. Maybe you can talk to me for a bit, see if you can put me to sleep with your boring old man stories.”

And that’s the night it all starts. Steve sits next to Bucky as he lays in bed gazing at the ceiling. Steve tells him about the Avengers and the other missions he completed this century before SHIELD lost the authority to employ him. He tells Bucky about things he likes and dislikes about the future they live in now.

Half way through a description of the new architecture in New York, Steve notices Bucky’s breathing has slowed and his eyes are closed. Smirking, he slowly begins to lift himself out of the bed. Then, he hears a soft, languid voice whisper: “Stay…” and Steve’s not sure if Bucky really said it or he just desperately wanted to hear it. He stays anyway though and wakes up the next morning with his arms wrapped around a snoozing Bucky, just like old times.

This becomes routine. They head to Steve’s room now, together, when they decide it’s time for bed. Bucky falls asleep to the sound of Steve’s chattering – at first Bucky responds to Steve’s conversation but steadily his replies shorten and turn into tired grunts. That’s when Steve knows he can shut up and let himself fall asleep as he holds Bucky in his arms.

Steve’s annoying. He’s a morning person. Bucky’s never heard a worse combination of words and personally feels that people who are chipper before 10am should not be trusted (Steve is an exception of course, he’s Bucky’s only exception). Steve wakes up at 7am and goes for a run. Bucky barely stirs (he does roll into the warm part of the bed that Steve recently vacated, a comfortable reminder of his presence). When Steve returns an hour later he always leaves a cup of coffee - milk and two sugars - on his bedside table next to a dozing Bucky before going to shower. Bucky appreciates the gesture.

Of course, it’s not until about 9am that Bucky fully awakens. He amps himself up to leave the warmth of Steve’s duvet, the pillows that smell like his shampoo, and the ghostly remnant of the feel of his body encircling Bucky's.

Bucky eventually manages to get up, put on his clothes and drink his cold coffee (that’s his favourite part of the day). Bucky loves cold coffee; it reminds him of Steve – it’s sweet, makes him shiver without warning, forces the hairs on the back of his neck stand to attention. It makes him feel alive.

Cold coffee in the morning and Steve Rogers – both filed under the category of things Bucky Barnes loves.

The regimented, regular sleep allowed Bucky to organise his thoughts more quickly and effectively than he’d thought would be possible. The therapy helps too, and Sam and Clint are also big players in the normalisation game that is his life.

All in all, thanks to all the healthy sleep he’s getting, Bucky now has the cognitive resources he needs to consolidate his memories (that’s Psychology – his therapist explained it to him).

It’s true that he’d known from the moment he’d dragged Steve out of the Potomac that some part of him loved that man. Then, he’d started to remember Bucky Barnes – best buddy to Steve Rogers, Captain America’s right hand man, lover to a skinny kid from Brooklyn who always seemed to get himself into a fight. He’d thought _yeah maybe Bucky Barnes loved this guy and maybe Bucky Barnes had been the type of fella Steve Rogers could’ve loved too but the mess HYDRA made him into was most likely incapable of loving anyone and certainly impossible to love in return_.

But then the bed sharing had come. Steve accidentally found out that Bucky wasn’t sleeping and resolved to speak soft words to him until he fell asleep, holding him tenderly through the night chasing away his fears and his ghosts. Bucky woke up sometimes in the middle of the night and would find himself staring for hours at Steve’s mouth, breathing in and out. He’d think about how soft his lips looked, how he wanted to kiss Steve over and over again to thank him for existing.

Apparently Bucky was still capable of loving someone. A very specific someone.

Almost every night he’d dream about the hot summer days he spent leading Steve around their tiny apartment, dancing to Glenn Miller, Ella Fitzgerald or Louis Armstrong. He’d wake up with a hot yearning in his stomach for days gone by. Bucky cooled that burn with cold coffee.

 Bucky couldn’t be worthy of Steve. He didn’t deserve to have his own dreams come true when he’d ended the lives of so many others, destroying dreams a thousand times more deserving than his own.

So, Bucky resolved to love Steve with his whole heart – he didn’t really have a choice in the matter, to be fair – and to care for him, keep him safe. He would devote himself to Steve Rogers, as he had a century ago, and that would begin his penance to society. Steve would never love a killer, a monster, so Bucky knew that as a minor punishment for his actions he could never receive any love from Steve in return.

At least he didn’t think he could until one morning when he heard Steve talking to Sam as they returned from a workout.

“Man, you gotta ask him. What am I always saying about communication?” Sam’s voice was audible through the bathroom door. Bucky turned on the shower to give them men an illusion of privacy. It was the best he could do after all; what with the supersoldier hearing abilities.

“Keep your voice down,” Steve whispered sharply, “I’m not saying anything. I don’t want him to feel like I’m expecting something I’m not.” Bucky realised they were talking about him and so he made a point of listening.

Sam snorted, “You might not be expecting it but man are you hoping for it. When he’s in the room your little heart eyes bulge so far out your head you could see ‘em from space.”

Bucky could hear Steve’s glare though the door. “Sam,” he whined, “can you please not make this harder than it already is?”

“I’m just saying man: you gotta take the chance. If it’s a no, it’s a no and you can stop pining your life away. We’ll find you another guy, or girl, for…that and he can be just your best friend. It won’t be the end of the world.” His tone was soft.

Steve’s voice came out barely above a whisper. “There’s no one else. There will never be anyone else. That’s why I’m scared.”

And Steve sounded so sad in that moment that it overpowered everything else Bucky had been feeling – the voices in his head that told him he wasn’t worthy of the love of such a great man, his insecurities and self-loathing, they all became so insignificant in comparison to Steve’s sadness.

Steve Rogers deserved to be happy, and if he needed Bucky’s love to be that way...well, that was one thing Bucky had more than enough to give. Steve was its only recipient, always had been, and that was Bucky’s mind made up. "Operation: Seduce Steve Rogers" was a go.

Bucky bided his time. He knew when he was going to make his move. He’d spent the rest of the day thinking about how to love Steve the best way he could, the way Steve deserved. That night, they’d fallen asleep as they normally did.

At 7am Bucky was prepared to plead his case. Steve woke up, always on time, and climbed out of bed for his run. Off he went, and Bucky got started

He made sure he looked good. His hair was freshly cut, teeth brushed and he had on nothing but Steve’s borrowed boxer shorts. He had lube and everything else they’d need in the drawer by their bed.

Steve returned from his run early and Bucky heard the kettle boil. He settled into bed, feigning sleep. Steve came in, as always, with a cup of coffee for Bucky but when he tried to retreat from the bed Bucky grabbed his hand.

“Morning.” Steve chuckled.

“Come lay with me.” Bucky muttered.

“I just went for a run, I’m all gross.”

“Don’t care.” Bucky said using his best innocent voice and puppy-dog eyes.

Steve obliged and laid himself down next to Bucky. This was his chance.

Bucky turned his head to face Steve’s, and gazed into his ever-familiar eyes for a moment before leaning in and pressing their lips together.

“Buck-” Steve breathed out.

“Shh,” Bucky whispered, “I’m gonna make you feel real good, Steve. I’m gonna love you any way you want me to, okay?”

“You remember?” Steve asked, his voice quiet but thick with emotion.

“How could I forget?” Bucky smiled.

He climbed on top of Steve and started kissing him, hot and hungry. He sucked on his bottom lip and gently bit a trail of kisses down his neck. Bucky made short work of Steve’s undershirt but when he began to pull his shorts down to reveal his hard cock, Steve let out a soft growl.

“Fuck that.” He muttered, and flipped their positions.

Now it was Steve who was pinning Bucky to the bed, kissing hungrily down his body. Steve sucked on Bucky’s nipple, gently pulling on it with his teeth causing Bucky to moan in pleasure.

“Steeeeve,” he whined, “I’m supposed to be making you feel good.”

Bucky reached for Steve’s cock but Steve’s hands were suddenly around his own pushing them away.

“Now listen,” Steve said, voice authoritarian and eyes dark with lust, “you are going to lie back and let me suck your cock until you’re screaming for more. Then, when you’re begging me to fuck you I’m going to open you up and push inside you, make you scream and writhe in pleasure. I’m going to look after you, James Buchanan Barnes. I’m going to be the one who makes you feel good. Okay?”

Bucky gulped because, “Yeah, okay, yessir.”

Steve smirked and pulled down Bucky’s boxer shorts to reveal his hard dick. Steve, eyes fixed on Bucky’s, licked up the length of his cock before taking the head in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the head and moaned as Bucky began to rake his fingers through Steve’s hair.

Steve sucked and licked Bucky’s cock eagerly, his pace rash and maddening.

“Steve,” Bucky groaned, “oh God, please, Steve.”

Steve pulled off his cock to tease, “Please, Steve, what?”

Bucky tightened his grip in Steve’s hair, “Please put that pretty mouth on my ass.”

Steve smirked, and turned Bucky onto his back. He started to lightly kiss and bite his toned ass before moving to his hole. Steve grabbed the lube Bucky was thrusting into his hand and coated one of his fingers.

Gently he pushed a finger inside, just grazing Bucky’s sweet spot, causing him to moan and buck his hips backward fucking himself deeper on Steve’s finger.

“Another,” Bucky whimpered, “please.”

Steve’s cock twitched at the sound of Bucky’s voice. It was raw with pleasure and so pleading. Steve had never been so aroused.

He pushed another slick finger inside Bucky and moved them slowly in and out.

Then, Steve replaced his fingers with his tongue, and Bucky moaned loudly, crying out Steve’s name unabashedly.

“Please,” Bucky panted, “I’m begging you, Stevie, I need you inside me.”

“Am I making you feel good, baby?”

“Yes, yes, Steve. Please, I-I need to feel you. I want to feel you for days. I wanna see your marks all over me.”

And damn if that didn’t awake something primal in Steve. He aligned his hips with Bucky’s stretched, needing hole and gripped his thighs hard enough to bruise as he thrust inside.

Steve moaned at the tight warmth around his cock.

“You’re perfect, Buck. You’re so beautiful like this, begging for me.”

“Yes, Stevie, oh god fuck me harder.”

Steve thrust his hips in time to Bucky’s movements, and felt his cock drum against Bucky’s prostate harder and harder, like he’d asked.

“Jesus, Steve, so close.” Bucky panted, voice rasp and desperate.

Steve quickened his pace. “Come for me, Buck.”

A few strokes with his hand and Bucky came, his orgasm more powerful than any he could remember. He saw white as he felt Steve come inside of him with a soft moan.

They collapsed on the bed, a tangle of limbs. Steve pressed soft kisses to the nape of Bucky’s neck.

“That was fucking amazing, Stevie.” Bucky sighed, finally content.

“You were fucking amazing. You made me feel complete, Buck.”

“Good because we are doing that again, a lot. In every room.”

Steve laughed, stroking Bucky’s hair, “Yeah but how about we sleep for a bit first?”

“Mmm, sounds good.” Bucky hummed in approval.

His coffee would still be cold when he woke up, Bucky realised. This time it wouldn’t be on purpose but Bucky bet it would taste twice as sweet.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Ed Sheeran song "Cold Coffee", title is taken from the lyrics.  
> Random one shot again. Hope you all enjoy and hey I'm back to my usual pervy explicit rating. Yay for PWP.  
> Let me know if you like it in the comments. Thanks everyone for the feedback on my other fics so far, it's always lovely to hear from you. 
> 
> Hope you like the fic.


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